Report

IBO Reporter: Spot51

|Looks like Sky have given up on Saints too as I seem to only get to report on games covered by Bloody TNT. At least we have Ally McCoist and Rio tonight, both who tend to talk sense.

The early stages looked even with Saints passing well enough. The Chelsea crowd don’t trust their keeper with the ball at his feet but Maresca seems to have swallowed the Russ Martin Playbook and demands Jørgensen is involved in their every passing move.

Our midfield “enforcers” both took early opportunities to kick their opposite numbers but Chelsea were noticeably not reduced. As the only central defender in our side, ABK seemed determined to make the most of his first start in 2 years and looked up for it. His defending was tidier than we usually see. Chelsea’s only chance was an off-target effort from Sancho.

Our wonderful fans were out-singing Chelsea who had held a pre-match protest against THEIR awful owners. WTF?? They don’t know what a proper crisis is FFS.

After a brief stoppage, while Matty was down, Will picked out Tall Paul who fired over. Our next attack saw KWP arrive at the back post but head to the wrong side of it. Then, on 16m, another Will cross came in and this time Paul’s header drew a save from their keeper. We were on top: isn’t that when we should be scoring?

Chelsea gradually began to push us back but ABK stopped first Neto, then Palmer from getting shots away. On 21m Enzo created a clear chance which Palmer put wide. Enzo’s next through ball got Palmer in on goal but Rammy was quickly in his face and the shot cannoned out for a corner.

When Enzo’s corner came over Tosin rose highest but his header was going wide. Will had looked good going forward but when called upon to defend he was brushed aside by Nkunku who headed past Rammy from close range. 1-0 and our statistic of gaining 1 point all season when conceding first was regurgitated yet again.

For the next few minutes, it was all Chelsea. We conceded several free kicks but the closest they came was a cross that sailed out for a goal kick. The next goalmouth action came at the other end. KWP got the ball out to Sully on the left. He sold a massive dummy to Gusto and whipped a cross which Paul met full on, bringing a fine save from Jørgensen just below his crossbar.

Chelsea went back on the attack and Sancho found Palmer, this time on the right, but his low drive rolled right across our goalmouth and out for a GK. On 36m Bree played a forward pass which was intercepted by Cucurella. He fed Nkunku who drove towards goal. Neto ran behind him to the left of our box. The Frenchman gave him the ball which was gleefully smashed in at the near post. Arseholes! 2-0 already.

We were not playing badly but poor marking by Smallbone and a misplaced pass by Bree had cost us. Our makeshift defence managed to catch both Nkunku then Neto offside as Chelsea launched the kitchen sink at it. What broke it was another set piece.

ABK had looked pretty good so far but on 43m he fouled Nkunku. It wasn’t a particularly dangerous position but we needed to defend it. Neto sent the ball in, Colwill rose and headed it pretty much centrally just below the bar. None of ours got near it.

3-0: +2 minutes: Paul booked for a foul on Enzo: half time. I went to get a Large G&T.

THB replaced Bree at half time and I suspected I was one of very few IBOers still watching. Sully won a corner early doors but when the ball came in from Will it somehow resulted in GK to the Blues. The next goalmouth action saw Palmer win a corner off THB and Nkunku met Enzo’s cross, his powerful header being superbly saved by Rammy. In the aftermath Neto was guilty of handling, giving us a FK.

We were penned back again with Chelsea getting 3 decent chances. Nkunku skied the first before Palmer hit a low drive which Rammy turned away. Palmer was in again but this time stuck it over the bar. He must’ve felt hitting a cow’s arse was currently beyond him as a wry grin appeared on his face.

KWP went down and play stopped. Not sure he was hurt but it was a good tactical stoppage for our defenders to catch their breath. Ivan used the break to bring on 2 more subs: Dibling for TP and Manning - for KWP who maybe was hurt after all.

I’ve always preferred Will going forward to his defending and it was he who set up a rare chance for Saints but Matty’s shot from distance was blocked. Soon after the young Portuguese was clattered by Caicedo who was duly booked. Manning took charge and sent the free kick into their box. ABK rose but got underneath it and sent the ball high and wide.

On 68m, CFC made their first changes replacing Sancho and Neto with Dewsbury Hall and 19yo Tyrique George. The youngster was quick to try his luck when played in by Enzo (him again) but missed the target.

The game seemed to be fizzling out. It was long since over as a contest and if the Ref had blown for time on 70m nobody would have complained but there were still 20 long minutes to endure. Chelsea began shooting from distance. Our defenders blocked these efforts before Joe Aribo suddenly forgot himself and dribbled the length of the pitch. When Chelsea won the ball back Joe was out of position but ABK tidied up and sent Suga away up the other wing where Cucarella conceded a corner.

Sensing a consolation Saints sent the big guys up but a Chelsea head met the cross. The ball dropped to Manning outside the D. He probably envisaged smashing it into the top corner but actually dribbled it to the feet of an opponent. Suddenly about 6 blue shirts were breaking forward with maybe 3 in yellow trying to get back. The ball was delivered to George on the right who reached the goal line before cutting it back for Cucarella to smash home. 4-0 and now Jack’s nemesis was on the scoresheet.

Saints kept attacking and when Sully found Manning inside their box it needed a brave block to keep a much better shot out. Up the other end, Palmer confirmed it was not his night by missing another reasonable chance before more subs arrived. Archer replaced Downes while Chelsea sent on another pair of kids for Caicedo and Nkunku.

In the last minute, Enzo finally got an opportunity himself but his goal-bound effort was tipped over by the excellent Ramsdale. Two more subs came on, Welington for Suga and another kid, Mheuka, for Enzo. Palmer was now on corner duty and duly found Mheuka’s head but Rammy made his umpteenth save of the night.

In +4 minutes Palmer was involved in both pieces of note. First he was crudely fouled by Manning who was booked, before a lesser foul by THB gave him one final shy at goal from the FK. He strode up, hit it true and, of course, Rammy saved it.

How relieved I was when the whistle sounded? Another 4-0 - you’d need a bloody big abacus to tally our goals against now…

Man of the Match

|Saints weren’t particularly bad at Chelsea. We’ve played worse but we are now consistently not good enough. Whatever puzzles our formation and tactics pose are easily solved by EPL players and coaches. Chelsea beat us at a canter and had they not had Palmer misfiring and our keeper having another blinder, the result could have been far worse.

I’ve decided that, for this game only, I want to nominate more than one Man of the Match. The first goes to Armel Bella Kotchap for turning up after 2 years in the shadows and defending like a German international. I hope you stay fit and keep playing.

The rest of my awards go to every man, woman or child in the away section at The Bridge on Tuesday. They were superb - again. They sang, they supported our players and do our club proud. You only need to read Suga’s post-match comments to realise that during these dark days, the players really appreciate that support.

Maybe the Home crowd could behave like fans rather than dissatisfied customers for a change…